It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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