If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
