Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
