So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
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i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
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Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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