I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
