the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize