the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Everyone says I win the strip club
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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