i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
