I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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