Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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