hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
