your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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