i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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