Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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