omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
