Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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