I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
