Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
