Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
