I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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