I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
