I hate your face
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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