it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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