I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
