Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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