brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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