I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
