I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
