in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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