You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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