One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
