I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
