last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
