you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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