Your dad touched me again.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
