I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
