so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
