I just threw up on my dentist
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
