I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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