I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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