I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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