you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
