My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
