its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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