1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
if only i could text you this smell
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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