i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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