So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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