I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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