I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
