Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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