I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.