i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
