Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
