I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.