My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.