Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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