I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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