If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
