puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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