we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
