I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
