He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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