When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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