My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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