The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
